


but i'll be yours if you'll be mine

by elisa_pie



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Bisexual Character, Bisexual Male Character, Coming Out, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8627557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisa_pie/pseuds/elisa_pie
Summary: Chris has something to tell Zach.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this fic last summer after [that awkward interview](http://pintoinlove.tumblr.com/post/148047568045/onlyzachmiles-qa-chripine-smell) where Zach was asked what Chris smells like, but it never really turned into a longer fic. So when I had another look at it now, I decided to make it a short fic about one phone call instead. And here it is!

Zach has almost forgotten the whole thing when he answers the phone with a distracted “Hello,” barely noticing the name on the screen as he continues to scrub the fridge.

“Zach, I’m not gay, you know,” Chris says instead of a greeting.

“Uh...yeah, I know that,” Zach says, suddenly painfully aware of the truth of those words. No, despite his deepest desires, despite whatever he might have said on television, Christopher Whitelaw Pine is not a homosexual man. Nothing new under the sun. He lets the cleaning cloth drop from his hand, holding the phone between ear and shoulder as he removes the gloves.

“But I-”

“Is this because of that late night show I did? The questions were starting to get a little inappropriate and I was just trying to joke my way out of it,” Zach says, carefully not mentioning how he’s afraid he let on a bit too much with his answers. Nothing like a bit of humour to hide the truth, right?

“Yeah, I got that.”

“Look, if you were offended by the suggestion that you’re…” Zach says slowly, trying not to feel hurt at the idea. Sure, it had been uncomfortable to be asked those questions, and he certainly wouldn’t have started joking around about Chris being gay otherwise. But to be offended at the idea of someone perceiving you as gay… well, Chris wouldn’t be like that, would he?

“No, of course not,” Chris says before Zach can get the whole question out. “Am I thrilled that my private life is suddenly the topic of conversation on a late night talk show? Of course not, you know how I am about my private life, emphasis on the word _private_ , but it’s… none of that was your fault, obviously, and you handled the whole thing pretty well.”

“Okay..” Zach says, drawing out the word. He still can’t figure out why that whole disastrous interview merits a phone call. Zach’s definitely curious now, leaning against the fridge door and wondering what exactly is going on in Chris’s head. “Thanks, I guess?”

Chris laughs, but it ends abruptly as he clears his throat and starts again .

“No, what I wanted to say, in relation to that… I’m not gay, I-”

Zach sighs. He thought they were over the whole topic already. “Chris, I _know_ that--”

“I’m bisexual,” Chris continues, his voice rushed and too loud.

It takes Zach a moment to process those words, and they still don’t quite seem to make sense. He has the sudden urge to check the bottle of cleaning product he’s been using to see if prolonged exposure can cause hallucinations.

“Uh... you what?”

“I’m bi. So, not gay, obviously, but… not exactly straight either.”

Zach still doesn't have a good reply to that, so he simply says the first thing that comes to his mind. 

“Why haven’t you told me before?”

“I… don’t know, really. It never came up and I… “ Chris sighs, and Zach can imagine him pushing his hand into his hair, messing it up as he considers his words carefully. “I’ve known for a long time, I guess. Sort of. But there’s always been this voice at the back of my mind, telling me that this is something I should just keep to myself, that it doesn’t matter and no one would believe me anyway since I tend to go for women more than men--the same voice that tells me, no matter how well I’m doing, that I really don’t belong, that I don’t deserve any of the success I get… and that being bisexual really isn’t such a big deal and doesn’t matter and-” 

There’s a sound like a sob at the other end of the line and Zach’s heart squeezes painfully at that sound. He pushes away his first, incredulous reaction, the hurt at not knowing before, and says the thing he wished he had been told more when he came out. 

“Chris, no. That’s--it’s a huge deal. It does matter, you matter.”

It seems to be the right thing to say, as he hears Chris take a calming breath and continue.

“Yeah. God, I wish we weren’t having this conversation over the phone. I wish I could see your face.”

“Why _are_ we having this conversation over the phone, then? You’re the one who called me, and aren’t we seeing each other at the end of the week again anyway?”

“Well, Zach, that’s because I’m a coward.”

“No, you’re not,” Zach insists, suddenly fiercy proud that he's one of the people Chris has told. It's such a mixture of conflicting emotions for him; Zach can't imagine how Chris must be feeling. 

“That was incredibly brave, what you just did, telling me that. Have you, uh, have you told many people?” Zach asks, knowing he really shouldn’t be asking that either, or at least it’s not the most important question right now, but it feels pretty important to him. He fears the answer, though. Maybe everyone else already knows, and Chris just hasn’t told him, whatever the reason. Maybe he’s the first person to know, and that’s it’s own kind of pressure, and again, not the kind of conversation they should be having on the phone.

“Just a few,” Chris tells him. “My parents, Katie, but not that many, really. I’ve kinda started to really get confident enough about it, about not caring what the fuck other people might think, pretty recently,” Chris says with a laugh.

“I’ve noticed that,” Zach says instantly, smiling to himself.

“What?”

“I mean, the way you act around everyone, this whole new confidence, it’s really…” _Don’t say hot, definitely don’t say hot._ “Refreshing. Good. It really suits you,” Zach says, afraid he’s giving away too much. Then again, Chris has just opened up to him in a really big way, so. It’s time to be honest, he thinks.

“Uh, thanks. You know, maybe it’s a good thing you can’t see me right now, because I’m sure my face is bright red.”

“I can imagine,” Zach says, beyond delighted when Chris laughs.

They’re silent for a moment, and Zach closes his eyes. He thinks about how Chris must look right now, the blush covering his face and neck, maybe extending further down underneath his shirt. He has spent enough time in the company of a blushing Chris to know the exact and extremely attractive shade his skin turns.

“Chris, have you ever,” Zach starts, not sure how to ask. He really shouldn’t be asking this at all, he probably shouldn’t even be speaking at all if everything he can think feels wrong even before the words leave his mouth. “I don’t mean that you would, and I’m just curious so you can ignore this, but have you had…”

“Have I ever had feelings for you?” Chris asks quietly. “Is that what you mean?”

“Yeah,” Zach says. His heart is thudding in his chest, his hand clammy with sweat as he holds the phone close to his ear, not wanting to miss any sound Chris might make in answer. “Have you?”

Zach can hear Chris breathing. He briefly considers hanging up, blaming it on a faulty connection or his battery running out. The answer scares him; that’s why he’s never asked before. Well, there also wasn’t a reason to ask before. Not that there’s any reason now. Just because Chris is into guys after all doesn’t mean he’d be into Zach. Doesn’t mean Zach should assume he’d be. And maybe Chris is more into women than men, that’s kind of what it had sounded like. 

Or maybe Chris is upset that he asked. Zach has been telling himself not to make this about him, this should be all about Chris, and what would it even matter if Chris had had feelings for him, if it was in the past tense?

“Yeah. Kind of.”

Zach lets out a gasp, hoping against hope that Chris can’t hear it. He feels like his whole world, everything he knew about it, is crashing down. Chris had feelings for him. _Has_ feelings for him?

“Fuck, Chris. You never… you never said anything, anything at all.”

“Dude, we flirt all the time. I was touching you in practically every interview on this press tour,” Chris says, like Zach needs a reminder of that. He’d been half going out of his mind, relishing each and every touch and touching Chris back as much as he dared. Which wasn’t nearly as much as he wanted to.

“And somewhere along the line… the flirting started to feel real. Like it wasn’t a joke anymore. That kinda helped me figure some things out, actually. So, uh, thanks for that?”

Zach doesn’t say anything to that. All the feelings he pushed aside long ago, never to be examined too closely, or felt too completely, come rushing back to him. It’s a high, and he’s scared of the fall.

“Zach, are you okay?” Chris asks, hesitant. Zach holds the phone tightly and closes his eyes. “I didn’t mean to just, uh, dump that on you, or any of it, but… you did ask.”

There’s another silence. “Why _did_ you ask, Zach?”

Chris’s voice is quiet, and if Zach was regretting having this conversation on the phone before, it’s nothing compared to how he’s feeling right now. He’s holding the phone so hard he’s afraid it might break, and all he wants to do is take Chris into his arms, to hold him, touch him, like he’s always wanted to. To tell him it’s okay, to cry--well, he doesn’t exactly _want_ to cry, but the tears have already started falling entirely without his permission.

He sniffs, and Chris says immediately, “Are you crying? I’m sorry--”

“No, no, oh god, don’t be. Please don’t be sorry. This is just… fuck. Not at all what I was expecting when you called. I thought you might give me shit about that interview, but this is... wow. More than I expected, for sure.”

“Do you wish I hadn’t said anything?” Chris asks.

“No,” Zach answers immediately. “I wish you weren’t such a coward, calling me instead of talking to me in person, because I really wanna kiss you right now.”

There’s a hitch of breath, and Chris says, “Oh. You do?”

“Yeah, totally. But what do you want, Chris? Was that--you still have those feelings you mentioned, or was it just some passing crush or--”

“Nope, crush still going strong. You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Chris says, and Zach can hear the smile in his voice.

“Okay. Good, that’s good.”

“ _Good_?” Chris asks. Zach can practically hear the air quotes around the word, and laughs.

“You kinda just blew my whole word, so… yeah.”

“That’s not the only thing I’m going to blow, Zach.”

“Jesus,” Zach says, almost dropping his phone. 

He has a feeling this new confidence Chris has going on will be the end of him. When he gets the phone back to his ear, there’s the sound of Chris chuckling, warm and familiar, and Zach knows he won’t mind at all.


End file.
